I'm Ugin and I've been practicing Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism since I was very young.
In fact, I was born into a family that practices Nichiren Buddhism.
I've faced great challenges and have received abundant inconspicuous benefits from practicing and Buddhism has changed my life.
I am very grateful and appreciative of the challenges I've faced.
I worked for a major airline and got promoted from cabin crew to Onboard Manager two years a go.
I've had many challenges during these last two years.
Just when I thought my life was going to be smooth sailing.
I got a shock. In September was diagnosed with cancer.
It was only in July, I discovered a lump in my right groin.
I didn't think much about is as I was preparing myself and getting fit to climb Mt. Fuji in Japan in August.
I successfully climbed the mountain with an old friend and when I came back, my medical check-up was due, so I went to see my GP. After few tests, it was confirmed that I had lymphoma, a blood cancer.
I couldn't stop crying on my way back home from my GP.
I couldn't believe it.
I was only and had been leading a very healthy lifestyle.
I cried the whole days and the next day, too.
I asked the Gohonzon, "WHY ME? Haven't I suffered enough? Why do I have to go through this?".
Two weeks later I was at my first meeting with a haematologist.
He found more lumps on my neck and under my armpit.
There are over 30 types of Lymphoma and testing took two months.
I wa finally diagnosed with Follicular Lymphoma.
When my specialist said that my cancer is incurable and I only have five shots of chemo in my entire life, I didn't know what to ask.
I was thinking "Am I going to die soon?".
He explained that there are many types of cancer.
Some of them are fast and aggressive like a spots car and some are very slow like an old car.
Follicular lymphoma is a slow old car.
My doctor confirmed that I'm still healthy and don't have to start my chemo treatment till I need it.
For the next few weeks, my partner and I educated ourselves by reading up on Follicular Lymphoma.
It's very rare for Asians to get it and the average age of patient is 60 years.
I was only 36!
For the last few months, my biggest challenges has been the battle of my mind.
I don't want accept that I live with an incurable cancer.
I get depressed and withdrawn when I think about it.
I used to cry a lot in front of Gohonzon.
I didn't think I was ready to confront this.
I still get afraid.
There are lumps everywhere in my body and there are new one growing.
Everyone told me to be positive and gave advice but no one knew and understood what I was thinking and feeling inside.
No one mentioned FEAR.
Going to work every day is a big challenge.
I walk from the staff carpark to the cabin crew base every day instead of taking the airport bus and I chant during my walk.
For a long time, I walked with my head down, feeling sad for myself.
My biggest challenges(and sometimes the most difficult thing to do in the world) is to face the whole world and smile, encounter and empower the crew while battling my illness without showing any trace of it.
And once I step in the base, I have to leave whatever I'm feeling outside the door and face the world courageously and put a brave face.
I want to live courageously, roar like a lion, live better and be happier.
I want to show proof and pray the greatness of Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism.
I want to expand my life and fulfill my mission.
I know that the day I start treatment will come but I want to embrace that day and appreciate all the love and support around me.
I'm so fortunate to have support from my partner, friends, SGIA members and family and I'm in a very good position to battle this illness.
I won't give up this fight and have never given up of my life.
I've just signed up to be a volunteer for the Leukaemia Foundations I can give something back to society and work for the greater good of humanity.
Sickness does not necessarily lead to death.
Sickness can force us to examine ourselves, our existence and our lives.
It can be a very important and precious motivator.
Someone has said that a person who has never been ill only understands half of life.
(Daisaku Ikeda, SGI Quarterly April 2013)
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